What We Think Will Happen......

My Mom used to always say, "What the hell is wrong with him- he's OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER!" I would say but Mom, when is old enough to know better? 18? 21? 34?. She would say "when You're an adult" I would argue and say "oh..so at 18 you know everything you should know for the rest of your life?" Taken aback by my obvious sensibleness she said.."well maybe 21- yes at 21- he should know better" oh ok Mom. So at 21 you knew everything there is to know about raising kids even though you had never raised one? At 21 you knew how to drive a semi-truck without hitting anything even though you had never driven one?..."

As with my long ago conversations with my mom -(who i miss terrible and would give ANYTHING to have another argument with :( ) ;  What we THINK will happen in our life when we do certain things is
usually a whole lot different than what actually does happen... We THINK that if we go college, suffer through boring classes, unfair grading procedures, favoritism, useless busywork and time fillers, we will somehow land the perfect job with such a nice boss who notices EVERYTHING good that we do and NOTHING that we missed doing!; Perfect hours that fit our lifestyle leaving plenty of time for family, exercise, travel & time for our endless hobbies that cost next to nothing to do! We think that if we finally make a committment and tie the knot in a relationship then we will be set for life with a partner who has undying and everlasting love for us and who never ever would get crabby with us.

We think that if we make the investment in a home then we will have no more hard-assed landlords to deal with, No more nosy neighbors that we can hear everything
they do including their toilet flushing. We think this said investment-this lovely sturdy home that we work our butts off every month to make the payment will somehow clean itself, that NOTHING will ever be out of place and no dust will fall on the endless furniture that we keep having to buy and re-buy and fix and throw out. We think the trash should magically go from the kitchen out to the trash can via invisible chute through our lightly lavendar scented hallways-to be picked up by perfectly quiet trash men who NEVER send us a bill and who always pick up on holidays and who NEVER spill not even one hamburger helper package onto the road.  Speaking of food, theres ALWAYS a menu on the fridge of that days dinner and how much its going to cost and how long it takes to prepare itself.

If all this sounds like a fairytale pollyanna way of thinking and of course YOU don't think that way..YOU KNOW BETTER right? Well then why do we get angry when that cute little puppy we bought for the kids- so they would grow up with a pet to help them have compassion for animals and teach them responsibility and help them have boy and dog memories and frolicking cute pictures to look back at- Why do we become so irritable when we go outside and the trash is torn up and strewn from the trash can all over the garage? Of course we're not mad at the dog right? He's just doing his thing that dogs do, so we immediately turn our irritation to the said child....that sweet precious chubby little baby who we waited for 9 long months to get here, and planned for years before that until we could afford him, & showed off his baby pictures to anyone who remotely asked how we were doing- Yes that kid- that irresponsible kid who is probably in front of the tv this very second and NOT taking care of his dog!!! He should have been on the dogs tail every second. following him around as he went about his business, inspected everything the dog urinated on, counted his steps in the garage and lovingly lead him away from the trash to his posh little gated pen with a fluffy bed and $500 worth of pet toys and food.

While it sounds silly to spell it out here, we do that every single day. We have expectations that because we do a certain thing (A) then another thing will happen (B) . When B doesnt happen soon enough or as our imaginary mind thinks it should then we are immediately in conflict with ourselves. We lash outwards because the universe did not follow our plan. Everyone around us is going "what? what seems to be the problem?"  "the problem??!" we say...exacerbated.."the problem IS ...........Your humanoid self didnt perform up to my robotic images of what you as my perfect robot should have done!!! THATS the problem!!"

 Now you might be thinking--"No...you're crazy, I dont expect anyone around me to be perfect. No body's perfect..Heck I'm not even perfect, I've made alot of mistakes, I just think people should KNOW BETTER, thats all. The people in my life are smart capable people they just should KNOW BETTER"  Oh really? At what age should they know better?  At whatever age YOU are now?? With all your experiences and challenges you've had--they should just somehow remotely have those thoughts and lessons and experiences that you've had and it mysteriously transcends into their brain?  Because YOU failed math in the 6 th grade and had to take elementary math in the 7th grade when all your friends were in pre-algebra-so all quarter you had to live with that embarrassment and harassing all quarter or even all year..somehow your 9 year old son knows the importance of doing his adding and subtracting every night- a little at a time.

NO he doesn't know that- nor does he CARE,,no matter how many times you tell him the story of you in the 7 th grade he WILL NOT care at this time. There will come a time when he cares...but HE will have to experience it...HE will have to stand in front of his college professor and say why he cheated on the math test. or HE will have to face the fact that he cant do the sport he wants to do in high school cause he let his grades drop.  We somehow want to prevent our kids from dealing with pain, or disappointment, we want to place our entire journey of life and love and hate and shame onto THEM so that SOMEHOW..when they turn 18 or 21 or whatever age our imaginary perfect-life brain thinks it should be- that they will just know better and go forward in strength and good fortune and have a perfect wife with perfect kids.

We all know that the reason we are where we are at is the result of our choices. And we shouldn't deny our family and friends those experiences either. I'm not saying we can't try to save them from heartache, or give them advice (when they ask-if theyre older) Instill boundaries and consequences when they're younger; or help them along the rough path of life. What I'm saying is we should keep a hold on our own emotions regarding them. Worrying excessively, anger, aggravation and grumpiness when things don't go our way are all real emotions so if we can learn to acknowledge them for what they are (just emotions--they dont need to turn into actions) and let ourselves feel them for the moment and work through them but then don't subject them upon others. Because others dont understand. I firmly believe that most people out and about in our daily lives dont truly care how you feel or WHY..for that matter...they only care WHAT YOU DO. So save the explanation for you pastor or your journal. Just realize that there is no END result. The happiness really is in the journey. The END result is the same for all of us. We're dead. We dont hit a certain crescendo and then life is bliss. Every problem you solve or think you solve in your life is replaced by another one. Theres no getting out of them. No one is immune from the bad stuff, no amount of money will fix you, or make people like you. Money only brings on more and different challenges. (I'm up to it--FYI--God..)

So my advice...enjoy being poor, Enjoy the puppy poop.  Smile when you remember the pain of being fired from that job because it made you open the paper the next day and search for something else...something that fit you better. something that led you to your life right now...your life with all its flaws and puppies and F's and crabby sales clerks. Enjoy seeing the snow come down in May because it will make you savor the sun in June.  Enjoy seeing the trash all over the garage, because it means you had enough money to even have trash. That trash represents YOUR LIFE! Your life that you're living right now. Enjoy...........