Lose Your Identity in Vegas

All my life I've struggled with trying to find my space and where I fit in. It seems to be a constant effort of re-evaluating and re-adjusting. But after being in Vegas for a nursing convention recently-It didn't take me long (1 day-in fact) to realize that Vegas is the perfect place to NOT figure out WHO you are!

First you have the over-extravagant hotel facades, The seemingly endless black shiny limousines & fast moving taxis madly moving in a long single file. The huge shining lobbies and immense backdrops behind the registration desks add more glamour designed to make you feel somehow inferior and plain.  You see people walking in fancy high heels, high dollar clothes and even suitcases that scream "I'm classier than your suitcases!"  Suddenly your clothes that seemed fine in your house and in your car and even in your town seem drab and frumpy! The gift shops scream FASHION & GLAMOUR! Buy Me and you will be rich and lucky!

Great! Thats all we need-is to feel more inadequate and out of the loop of high fashion and ritzy-ness! Somehow the 10 lbs we recently lost means nothing compared to the stick figure bosom bodies whos ass's are peeking out the bottom of their shorts. Our efforts to keep our hair cut and colored and presentable suddenly seem inept compared to the flashing shiney hair swirling over perfectly tan bodies that are paraded in $200 swimming suits. Our TJ Max Swimming suit that took us 3 hours and 2 weekends to find suddenly looks like it came from a second hand store.

Well my friend. Thats exactly what Vegas is designed to do....To WOW you. To make you want and need and want some more. To make you spend money that you have and money that you dont have. To try one more slot machine. cash one more $20 in. Buy one more Cute scarf or purse. To buy one more drink so you can forget all your problems that you left at home. It makes you hunger to be rich or at least fit in- or at least be able to compete in some small way with the endless stream of money and prowess that permeates the blackjack tables. If only I had a nice dress like that. Damn I need to get me a decent car thats shiney and clean like that.

So then you think- Lets go to Fremont Street and get out of the casinos for awhile. So you hit the lighted up street slam packed full of people. The first 'thing' you see is a overweight fruity guy in a fluffy pink bikini. then you see Kiss with thongs on and you cant help but stare at their perfectly formed behinds wondering how they feel wearing a string up their butts. Then you see a homeless 'vet' maybe even with his leg cut off-asking for "Anything will help". The peacock girls, the drunken tourists dancing to the music.The young mom pushing her baby in the stroller with a sign saying her rent is due and the dad ran off. Its all too much- just too much. You want to--You almost HAVE to turn off your feelings or you'll go crazy- but yet you want to take it all in- absorb it. Tell yourself how lucky you are. How does ones life end up on fremont street begging for money?  How does one lose their pride and flash their bodies, their minds their souls just for a dollar? The kid performers being prompted by their parents to perform. A little black child doing the moon walk and mime dancing then when hes finished he stops in front of his big huge tip bucket, makes eye contact with the crowd and nods his head down to the bucket! Hes trained to glare at us--"i gave you a dance- you give me some money!" It's all so crazy. So crazy.

It leaves you with a feeling of emptiness. Despite all the flash, all the millions of dollars, the bigger, better casinos. The shinier fancier nightclub after nightclub. All designed to draw you in. But after playing their game for awhile- you end up feeling empty. Why? Because all that stuff cant fill you up. Because theres ALWAYS something better around the corner. And while its human curiosity to turn the corner and to discover new things, thats not what we're talking about here. We're talking about a playground that only the highly rich can succeed at. It takes money to make money. You have to gamble alot of times to hit a jackpot-( Usually) People that win spend more than the average person makes in half a year there.

The bottom line is that its just never enough. YOU and only YOU have to draw the line on when enough is enough. You have to be comfortable enough with your own life and in your own skin to say - I AM  ENOUGH> I dont need a Rhinestone Purse or a Flashy bracelet to make me good enough. I just need to be ME. ALways improving of course but in a way that builds not hurts. Theres ALWAYS, ALWAYS someone who LOOKS cuter than you- or skinnier- or richer. If you play that game you will never be happy with your best self. You will always want for more and thats dangerous- financially and emotionally. To be able to find your center and come back to reality.....usually on the long trip home from Vegas .....is where the balance comes in. Don't base yourself & your life on that oasis in the middle of the desert. It was built on rich dreams and sin and sex and blood money Is that what do you want your dreams to be built on?

Ultimately Vegas is NOT the place to find yourself. You end up losing yourself in the lights and action and crowd. It's a whole different world. A world that millions of people converge to every year. And millions of people call it home just to feed off of US & our desires.........